


When Every Shred of Hope Collides in Your Heart

by possiblywonderful



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Character Death, Pre-Slash, Spoilers for Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 07:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possiblywonderful/pseuds/possiblywonderful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek doesn’t move for a few seconds himself, not sure what he wants to do. His mind and body are just so tired from being overexposed to so many things, to so many emotions that Derek’s most likely not capable of making even the smallest decisions. Sit down, don’t sit down. Drink, don’t drink. Sleep, don’t sleep. Break down, don’t break down.</p>
<p>But maybe it wouldn’t make a difference anymore anyway. He feels like tonight, he passed a point of no return. That something inside of him broke into so many pieces that he knows that he won’t be able to put them back together in the near, or far future. Small things just don’t matter right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Every Shred of Hope Collides in Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> NOTE: contains spoilers for Teen Wolf Season 3, esp. episode 2.

The night Derek comes home after the incident in the bank, Stiles is still there. Peter seemed to have left a while ago and Isaac’s gone too.

The moment he opens the door to the loft, Derek knows Stiles is around. Usually, he would send him home because it’s late and the sheriff will get suspicious or worry too much about why Stiles is not there. Stiles is still sixteen after all. But tonight, Derek just can’t get himself to care. Or maybe it’s not so much that he doesn’t care that Stiles is still here. Maybe it’s because he’s secretly glad that Stiles hasn’t left because he wouldn’t know what he’d do if he was left alone after all that has happened.

“Hey”, Stiles says carefully while he gets up, standing between the coffee table and the sofa.

Derek just doesn’t say anything, heading straight to the bathroom, leaving Stiles on his own again. He doesn’t even look at him really.

When he comes back out, Stiles leans against the big table in front of the window with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He tries to put up an unreadable, maybe indifferent expression but fails more or less, radiating the worry not only with his features but with his entire body language.

“Why are you still here”, Derek asks, somehow surprised by just how rough his voice sounds.

“Why not”, Stiles answers with a question of his own.

Derek could say _because you’re underage and it’s way past midnight_ or _because I’m not sure if you even like me_ or _because I’m not the one you should be there for right now_ or simply _because it’s better that way_. There are a dozen possible answers going through Derek’s mind. He doesn’t voice out a single one of them.

Instead, he just makes his way towards the kitchen, opening a cupboard to get out a bottle of Jack.

The typical _I thought werewolves couldn’t even get drunk_ from Stiles is missing this time. Maybe he picked up how little Derek’s interested in their usual banter tonight.

Stiles just pushes himself up from the table and silently follows Derek until he’s standing right beside him. “Let me”, he murmurs, taking the bottle out of Derek’s shaking hand.

Derek lets him.

Stiles pours a good few ounces of whiskey into the glass in front of him before he screws the lid back onto the bottle and puts it back into the cupboard. He’s lingering for a few moments, as if he wants to say something but seems to have decided against it eventually and hands Derek the glass.

Derek doesn’t move for a few seconds himself, not sure what he wants to do. His mind and body are just so tired from being overexposed to so many things, to so many emotions that Derek’s most likely not capable of making even the smallest decisions. Sit down, don’t sit down. Drink, don’t drink. Sleep, don’t sleep. Break down, don’t break down.

But maybe it wouldn’t make a difference anymore anyway. He feels like tonight, he passed a point of no return. That something inside of him broke into so many pieces that he knows that he won’t be able to put them back together in the near, or far future. Small things just don’t matter right now.

So Derek’s glad that Stiles must’ve noticed just how lost he is right now, making these decision for him because he’s taking the glass from Derek again while he puts his hand on the small of Derek’s back. “C’mon”, he says, gently pushing Derek towards the sofa.

They sit in silence for at least ten minutes after they sat down, the glass in Derek’s hand something to hold on to. Stiles grows uneasier every minute, Derek can feel it. He doesn’t even need his werewolf senses for that. But even if Stiles does, he tries to not let it show, tries to give Derek some time to… to what actually? Sort out his feelings? Catch a breath? Nothing of that will happen anytime soon, Derek thinks. So he might as well give Stiles some information on what happened.

“Scott’s fine”, he says.

Stiles nods in return. “He sent me a text. He’s over at Allison’s now.”

There’s this shade of bitterness back in Stiles’ voice when he answers. It’s been there for a while already. Even though Derek and Stiles never really had much to do with each other, they did interact sometimes and their time together increased by a dozen over the summer, after Stiles had agreed to help finding Erica and Boyd. With no homework to do, he had a lot of time on his hands and he was glad to help because even though Derek’s pack and Scott’s ‘pack’ had their problems with each other and it’s not always been easy for them, he still wants to make sure Erica and Boyd are okay because he likes them and because he wants to help. That’s what Stiles told him when Derek had asked him about why he does it one night.

But the more time they’ve spent together, even though it still wasn’t all that much, the more Derek noticed that something was off. Nothing major or life changing. It was like the feeling of drinking a glass of coke and in the very few seconds after you swallowed the drink, you notice the very subtle taste of just a bit too much sugar. It’s nothing that stands out from the moment the drink touches your tongue but it’s there nevertheless. It was the same with Stiles. On the outside he was okay but there was a very light yet dull feeling around him.

It took Derek quite some time to be able to put his finger on what exactly it was or what may be the cause of this. Until he realized what it was. Scott.

Stiles misses Scott. Of course he does. They’ve been friends for the longest part of their lives and this summer, or maybe the entire year before that already, the time they’ve spent together shortened and shortened until it sometimes was so little that Scott could’ve been any other of Stiles’ seemingly few friends. Stiles does have ‘friends’, Derek knows. But none of them are really that close to him. It’s more that they know each other for a while and eat lunch together from time to time but none of them is really close to Stiles because they think it’s too much effort to deal with this hyperactive kid on a daily basis. Scott was the only one, apart from Stiles’ dad, that really _got_ him. He knows what Stiles’ favourite kind of ice cream is, what games he likes to play best, what’s his favourite book, if he likes his egg over easy or not. He knows these little things about him and he knows the big things too. How much Stiles actually misses his mom, how scared he is to lose his dad, how bad he wished to be able to protect everybody around him, the day on which Stiles’ mother died. He knows all of that because he knows how Stiles ticks, he has looked beyond Stiles’ jumpiness, his ADHD, his honestly not very easy personality and saw him for what he was.

Derek knows that Scott and Stiles would do anything, probably even die for each other. By now, they’ve done many unspeakable things for the sake of their best friend and they’re like brothers. But beside all that, they’ve grown apart over the summer. Not mentally. They’re still as close as they were before and Derek doubts that that will ever change but nevertheless, they didn’t spend much time together and it pains Stiles. He misses his best friend dearly.

But Stiles doesn’t say anything because he wants nothing more than for Scott to be okay, to get his life back on track. He supports Scott’s wish to become a better person even though he thinks that Scott’s already pretty awesome. Stiles himself tries to be a better son, a better student, a better everything (like Scott said). But nothing can make that hollow feeling go away that arises whenever Scott cancels a plan or Stiles says that they should postpone their meet up or when they simply aren’t able to meet up due to whatever reason. But Stiles is not going to tell Scott to make some time for him because they’re best friends and therefore, should spend time together. He’s not doing that because he wants what’s best for Scott and maybe a little because Stiles still blames himself for what happened in the forest over a year ago now, for Scott getting the bite without asking for it.

“What about Erica?” Stiles’ voice makes Derek flinches a bit, catching him off guard after he was so deep in his thoughts.

For a few fleeting moments, Derek thinks about how he’s supposed to say it. How can he even find words to describe what exactly happened? Maybe there aren’t any words that can describe what happened.

So Derek just shakes his head briefly, his entire posture radiating resignation.

Stiles mumbles out a quiet “shit”, resting his face in his hands. “Shit”, he curses again, a little louder this time after he ran his hand through his hair a few times. “I’m sorry, Derek.”

And that hits Derek hard. It’s probably a mixture out of the fact that Stiles knows what loss Derek suffered and how much he seems to feel for him and the fact that Derek suffered these losses to begin with.

All he does, all he can do right now is putting the glass on the table so he can bury his face in his hands. He’s just so tired, so beyond pain and suffering that he’s not sure how he’s supposed to get over yet another loved one taken from him.

Or rather, two loved ones. Cora.

The fact that his little sister is not dead, didn’t die in the fire, that she’s still _alive_ is so above anything he could’ve ever imagined that it’s hard for him to believe it. He probably wouldn’t believe it if he would not’ve been there, seen her, touched her himself.

All he could think of for at least an hour after the incident in the vault was _Cora_ _Cora Cora Cora_. Nothing but the fact that his little sister was alive. His body was in a complete numbness right now. One would think that there simply isn’t a more emotional thing than something like this. There probably isn’t but the sheer overkill of emotions has simply been too much for Derek’s mind.

Cora is with Deaton now. He said that she needs time to adjust, to take all the things in and that it’s better for Derek too. Derek disagreed but Deaton insisted on it and, after he looked at Cora, properly looked, Derek saw that it was for the best. She looked as lost as he did and as heartfelt as the reunion was and as twisted as this may sound, they needed time apart to be able to be together.

“There’s more, right”, Stiles asks, speaking up again.

Derek nods again. “My sister. She’s alive.”

“What”, Stiles shrieks, turning to fully face Derek, an incredulous expression on his face. “Laura?”

“No. My little sister, Cora”, Derek murmurs.

“Derek… that’s…. wow.” Even Stiles is at a loss for words now. He’s usually the one that finds consoling words the easiest out of all of them. But what is there to say to this? Nothing.

“I thought she’s dead. In the fire…”

“Is she… okay? I mean…”, Stiles starts to say.

“Yes… all things considered, she seems fine.” She does. But Derek’s not sure if it’s only him that thinks that way because he’s still trapped in this dazed state of mind.

“That’s good. I mean, it’s good, right?”

Derek nods. “She’s alive… she’s…” But he can’t seem to finish the sentence. What could he possibly say that would fathom half of the emotions he’s feeling right now? Sometimes, it’s better to just not say anything. Derek has the feeling that Stiles’ kind of knows anyway.

They sit in silence after that. For a long time. And Derek is grateful for it, to be able to take a sip of whiskey every now and then, to just let everything sink in a bit more. Despite everything, he’s glad that Stiles is there. It gives him a foreign feeling of safety, of not being completely and utterly lonely.

Eventually, Stiles puts his warm hand on Derek’s shoulder. “Do you want me to stay tonight? And don’t say no out of false politeness.”

And in fact, Derek can’t find it in him to say no. He wants Stiles to stay. He wants Stiles to be around because by now, he knows that he can trust him. It’s a fragile thing, the trust they’ve built but it’s there nevertheless.

“Please stay.” The words leave his lips easier than he thought they would and it feels good. It feels good to know that he’s still able to ask for these kind of things after all this time, to know that Stiles will stay with him because he wants to and because he knows Derek wants him to and that Derek, unlike what he thought for a long time, what he wanted to _be_ for a long time, is not alone. Not anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> This fic was written for the lovely Goda <3  
> Title taken from "Let Go" by Mia Rose.
> 
> If you have any questions, ideas or constructive criticism, feel free to send a message or a comment my way here or on my [Tumblr](http://possiblywonderful.tumblr.com). This has also been posted [here](http://possiblywonderful.tumblr.com/post/53215182469).


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